why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
