it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
