come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
