I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
did you just send me my own nude
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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