Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize