I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
