It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
