a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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