I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize