Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
