After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
