we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
