i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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