Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i came on her dog
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
