he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am midnight drunk by noon
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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