Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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