how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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