well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
