I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
