I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
