Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
