So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
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I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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