I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you had me at cake vodka
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize