i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
