you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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