There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize