I want to make a zoo with you.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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