fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
