I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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