lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize