well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
