Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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