you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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