I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
