i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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