There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
