we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
