Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
