My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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