Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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