I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
