i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.