Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.