my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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