So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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