I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
