apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
