The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we're making bets on your personal life
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
