I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
