It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
