I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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