it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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