Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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