The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
