ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
