Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
