I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
