I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
