i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
