We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
