I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
