Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
