Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
