I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
id be glad to
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
