I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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