Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
