I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
