how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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