i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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