I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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