I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
