you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
