so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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