so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
