It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
