So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
