happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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