You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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