We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
