I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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