i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
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He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
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I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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